Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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