Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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