she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
