2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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