You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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