Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize