I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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