I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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