I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
