I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
