Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
