So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
