I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sext me about skeletons
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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