1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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