so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
