I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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