I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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