If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We need to rekindle our bromance
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
