you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
