But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
