i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
