So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the day after is always just damage control
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
