Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
