And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
