super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
