the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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