the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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