is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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