i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
