Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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