we have pet lesbian snakes
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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