In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
