i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
