I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
