You just made me feel so damn special
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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