Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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