Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
