I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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