he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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