you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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