oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i need some magic done to my vagina
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
