His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
