Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
