make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
