I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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