Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
