oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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