THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
