is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
