So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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