Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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