I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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