there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
