I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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