I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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