the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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