I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
