i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
