That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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