put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
