did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
