Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
