My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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