I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
