My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
