I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
