the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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